During our English Camp “free talk” provides Chinese teachers the opportunity to read essays from NPR's "This I Believe" series, then write and talk (in English) about the topic presented. Teachers are offered an opportunity to write an essay of their own. This is an essay written by teacher Betty Xiao.
Difficult decision, hard choice (Betty Xiao)
It seems that I always have the same problem. During the past twenty years, I had experienced that again and again.
I was born in a poor family. Both of my parents were peasants, we lived in a remote village. I liked singing when I was only a child. In fact, I think I am naturally good at singing. People in my village all knew me well. They said I was like a lark which has a sweet voice. I was singing when I was washing clothes in the river, I was singing when I was walking after my ox in the sheep track, I was singing when I was helping my parents in the field, I was singing even when I was dreaming. To be a famous singer was my dream. After finishing my middle school, I had to decide which high school I should go.
One night I told my father that I was really interested in music school. My father said it couldn’t be possible for me . Then he explained in two reasons, one was that he couldn’t afford the high tuition fee, the other was that I was not tall enough to be a famous singer. He said that he had understood my feeling. But he asked me to think about that seriously. I couldn’t sleep after talking with my father, I cried under my quilt. After thinking a whole night, I decided to give up my dream , and did what my father told me to do. I chose a normal high school to begin my study.
During that three years I was a good student. Both my teachers and classmates liked me. I had a good dream to be a college student in South China Normal Teaching College. Before the big exams, I talked to my father again, this time he asked me to choose carefully. Maybe because of the big pressure, I felt too nervous during the big exams. I didn’t do very well in my exams. So I had to choose another university to study. After three- year study, it was the hard time for me to choose again, Staying in the same city or moving to another city to open my eyes was difficult for me to decide. Because my father has 3 daughters but no sons. My elder sister had married and she moved to another city with her family. And my younger sister worked in a different place. Who would take care of my parents? I had a talk with my father again, he asked me to choose and he respected what I decided. After a hard choice , I decided to leave my parents and move to another city to begin my teaching career.
When a native guy pursed me after I finished my 3-year teaching, I wonder if I should choose a native people or a fellow-villager. So again I had made a decision. Now I am a mother of 5-year-old boy, my husband and I go back to my hometown once a year. He can’t speak Kejia language, when my parents talk to him, he smiles often. And I am the interpreter among them, sometimes I am puzzled if that was a wrong decision.
I have been living with my parents in –law in a big house for over 7 years. I thank them for taking care of us well. Every day we can eat delicious dinner after work. They also take my son to the kindergarten. But still some trifles between us exist. So again I had to make a decision to buy a new house. But the price of the house is a lot higher than before, buy or not, so it becomes another difficult choice for me now.
Luckily, every time I made a choice or decision, it didn’t work out badly. But the moment for me to choose and decide is really hard. Because of that, sometimes I was sleepless. Now I am still living with making different decisions and choices. I wonder if people around me have the same problem .
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